Fantasy vs. Reality
Jammy time!
I’m walking along the Seine, my voluminous tulle gown by Oscar de la Rente blowing in the breeze….
Oh, wait. That’s not my real life. In my real life, I’m the mother of an adorable, genius, little man who happens to be on the Autism Spectrum. Together with my husband of 11 years we live in a modest home here in the DMV where neighbors are friendly and the streets are safe. We have friends….from the neighborhood, from our son’s school, from work, and from our previous life when we were sans enfant. My Mom and Aunt live nearby, and we’re on friendly terms with the entire family on both sides. Not a bad life!
And yet…..in my heart of hearts, I can’t help yearning for more. For a home not cluttered with legos and action figures, with a ceiling that doesn’t make me feel like we live in a box, perhaps even a balcony overlooking la tour d’eiffel! To stroll along the Seine sipping on wine and nibbling on cheese. To pick up a fresh baguette at the market. To indulge in impromptu musical performances along the boulevard at night. And, of course, dressed head to toe in designer fashion! In this dream, I can afford Chanel, Dior, Giambattista Vialle (whose latest collection was very impressive, I’d say!)….anything my heart desires. Perhaps I’m a mega-influencer, or a trust fund baby, or the wife of a rich husband….or the CEO of a major business (actually, no…too much work!) The point is, somewhere in my imagination I’m sitting front row at all the fashion weeks, jet setting around the world, and money is no object.
The cause of this dissatisfaction with a seemingly perfect life is the subject of many a therapy session (#mentalhealthawareness). Why can’t I just be happy where I am? Why can’t I just enjoy my life as it is? My life isn’t bad by any means! Sure, we have our challenges….raising a child on the spectrum, running a behavior program, and juggling the never ending round of sitters, after school care, summer camps, and doctors appointments. Money gets tight - not the least because of my expensive shopping habits! Which is, in itself, a means of escape (I can’t go to France? at least I can look the part!)
Which, friends, is why I titled my blog “Fashion Fantasy.” Because for me, Fashion is a Fantasy - an escape, a dream, an alternate reality. My avatar is somewhere out there in the world, with the freedom to enjoy all the things I cannot. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Yes, I know, I should be grateful for everything that I already have - we’re healthy, we have a roof over our heads, we have food in the fridge, and I have people who love me. But I also think it’s OK to be honest about how we feel, and to acknowledge our desires. And who knows? In a year or two, it really could be me prancing my way across Paris!
